The Adventures of Emmett Cullen
by Mrs Emmett McCarty
Summary: Emmett has been banned from touching Rosalie for a whole day by Carlisle. What will he do with the extra time? OOC at some points. This story is not finished and won't be.
1. Chapter 1

**The Adventures of Emmett Cullen **

**Disclaimer: Although I would love this big bear to be mine...he belongs to Stephanie Meyer as well as every other character in this story. **

**Summary: Emmett has been banned from touching Rosalie for a whole day by Carlisle. What will he do with the extra time?**

**A.N. Well I thought this would be a fun idea to do. Since Emmett can't seem to get enough of Rose so here goes nothing**

**Chapter 1**

"But Carlisle it's not FAIR!!" I whined and gave him a puppy dog face.

"That's enough Emmett! I made a decision and I am sticking to it. For a whole 24 hours you can't touch Rosalie." Carlisle said as I groaned, "After your guys' last incident you are lucky it's not for a week!"

"Aww man..." I pouted.

What am I going to do for the next 24 hours it felt like FOREVER!! I don't have anything to do!! OMG!! Edward what should I do!! I am BORED!!

"Emmett calm down...play your Wii. I am going to pick up Bella..."

"CAN I please come with you Eddie please, please...?"

"NO!"

Oh you just asked for it Eddie!! Ninja forces, A GO!! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!

"PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!" I screamed and thought at Edward.

"OKAY FINE YOU CAN COME!!" He screamed twitching.

"Sorry Eddie it had to be done...CAN we take Bella to Port Angeles PLEASE?!"

"Okay fine, why do you want to go anyway?"

"I want to get a dog." I said point blank.

"Okay if you want...just make sure you don't suck it dry while Bella is here."

**EPOV**

Oh this should be interesting...very interesting.

**EMPOV**

I managed to convince Edward to take my Jeep and to let me drive to Bella's. When we got there I jumped out of the car so fast and ran to the door almost busting it down in my excitement. When Bella walked out I tackled her into a monster cool bear hug.

"BELLLLLA!! HIIIII!"

"EMMETT...I...CAN'T...BREATHE!!" She gasped

"Sorry," I replied sheepishly, "WE ARE GOING TO PORT ANGELES SO I CAN GET A PUPPY!!"

"You are getting a puppy?"

"HELLZ YAH!!"

"Okay then, let's go!"

Edward got out of the car and kissed Bella I looked away, I didn't want to remind myself of what I couldn't do to Rose.

"Hey get you butt's over here we are leaving NOW!!" I screamed.

I was way too excited and anxious I just had to get there as fast as possible. Eddie picked Bella up and walked her to the car and sat with her in the back seat. I slammed the gas pedal and zoomed out of her driveway the wheels squealing. I was reaching 120 mph when we got to the highway and it only took us 30 minutes. Still to slow but I couldn't get the damn thing to go any faster. I heard Edward comforting Bella who was panicking due to my speed.

"Bells honey its okay..." Edward said in his honey-sweet voice.

I could feel her calm down as I slowed and pulled up in front of the first pet store I saw it was called Pat a Pet. I started laughing my head off. Then once Eddie and Bella realized what was so funny they were in hysterics. Soon the Jeep was shaking and a few people gave us odd looks. As soon as all of us got back under control we climbed out of the Jeep. Eddie helped Bella get out of the car. I was so excited when we got into the shop!

"Hello ma'am!! Can I see your puppies?" I said suggestively to the clerk.

She started to swoon and fan herself but she told us to follow her to the dogs. She left to let us look at all the dogs. I saw the cutest little dog.

"Errmmm Emmett you are aware that that dog is about the size of your palm right? You might squish it and won't even realize it."

"NO I won't I haven't squished Alice yet!"

I finally convinced her that I could take care of the puppy but them the thing bit me!

"OMG! Eddie! BELLA! IT BIT ME!! OWWW, OWW, OWW!" I screeched.

"Em, calm down its just a little dog." Eddie said.

"Ow, well I am SOOO not getting a damn dog, they are WAY to mean. I'll get a kitty!"

Edward started laughing at me...with the irony of it all. We were often compared to cats. It was really funny why had I thought too get a puppy anyway?

**A.N. **

**If you liked this chapter tell me...R&R I finally was told what that meant. **

**I might not continue this story cuz I am working on ****My Underwater Nightmare.**

**So if you want to here more about dear little Emmie tell me! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns these sexy characters but I own Emmie's Puddy Tat.**

I walked over to the clerk lady. She looked at me lustily. I was going to torment to this lady. I leaned over the counter and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Hey there sexy...can you go show me your pussycats?"

She looked at me lustily and nearly passed out. I looked over my shoulder and I saw Edward and Bella doubled up in silent hysterics clutching at their sides. I grinned evilly.

"So will-ya, ma'am?"

"Um of course..." she replied.

**EPOV**

I was getting more and more disgusted with the thoughts this lady was shouting in her head.

_OMG this guy is so hot!_

_I wonder how he is..._

_Oh what I would do..._

I drowned her out when she started having mental images. I shuddered. But the look on her face was priceless.

**EmPOV**

She led me into another room with Edward and Bella right behind me. The lady was swaying her hips from left to right exaggeratedly hoping to seduce me. HA I have the most sexy woman at home she is nothing in comparison.

She pointed at the kitty's and I literally squealed when I saw the cutest kitty in the world. It was orange with stripes and blue eyes. I picked it up and cuddled with it.

"Eddie! Bella! I found my kitty!! Do you like it??" I screamed excitedly.

"AWWW!! Emm its so cute I want it! I might just steal that from you!!" Bella squealed.

"AWW hell no! Girl you take my cat and you will die a most painful death I can think of."

"Emmett if you kill her your death will be shortly after." Edward warned.

"Hey LADY!!" I shouted to the clerk.

She ran over to me. Flushed and looking like she put more makeup on.

"I am going to buy this kitty will you please get EVERYTHING I would possibly need to make this kitty the happiest kitty on the planet."

"Umm yeah...of course."

She bustled off and came back with a pile of stuff and boxes. There was: a carrier, food, food bowl, water bowl, a purple collar, a brush, flea comb, litter and a litter box, pooper scooper, toys, a scratching post, bed, treats, a play tree, and some catnip.

"Okay sir, the total is 530.76."

I handed her my credit card and took my kitty. Put his collar on and put him in his carrier.

"BELLA! EDWARD!! LET'S GO I WANNA PLAY WITH MY KITTY."

They ran human speed to get in the car and we sped off back to Forks. I was getting so excited I could barely contain my energy. I felt like Alice on her way to a shopping list.

**A.N.**

**More funny stuff to come...**

**Hope you like it!! Please R&R **

**I'll give you a little incentive to read on in this story...**

_**Just imagine Edward dressed Drag.**_

**And that is all I have to say on that matter. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: I know some people who would kill for an Alice makeover but I like Bella don't want one and I feel bad for these characters. Luckily I don' t own them or Alice would be crippled to prevent me from getting one. **

**A.N. Just to clarify...Emmett was banned from touching Rose at about 3 pm. He went to the pet store at 3:30. They left at around 4:30 and the current time is 4:35. **

As I was driving home I texted Alice.

_**Hey Al! Get ready to makeover our little Eddie!!**_

_Are you serious!! OMG HE is so gonna die!!_

_**Well get everything ready for him and Bella. Eddie boy is going to dress drag and then we are going CLUBBING babeh!**_

_SWEET! I can see it now!! He is willing but he is gonna add his own spin. I am so gonna have fun!!_

I flipped my phone shut and started singing the Bartender Song by Rehab in my head to distract Edward.

_Bartender I really did it this time  
Broke my parole to have a good time  
When I got home it was 6 AM  
The door was locked so I kicked it in_

She was trippin' on the bills  
I think she was high on some pills  
She threw my shit out into the yard  
Then she called me a bum and slapped me real hard

And in my drunken stupor  
I did what I should have never done  
and now I'm sittin' here, talking to you  
Drunk and on the run

I'm sittin' at a bar on the inside  
Waitin' for my ride on the outside  
She stole my heart, in the trailer park  
So I jacked the keys to her fkin' car  
Crashed that piece of shit and then stepped away

And I know I'll probably get ten years  
So just give me beers till they get here  
Yea I know the sun is comin' up  
And yall are probably get ready for closein' up  
But I'm trying to drown my sole  
_I'm tired of this life on the dirt road  
Everything that I love is gone  
And I'm tired of hangin on_

Shes got me  
I'm sittin' at a bar on the inside  
Waitin' for my ride on the outside  
She stole my heart, in the trailer park  
So I jacked the keys to her fkin' car  
And crashed that piece of shit n-then stepped away

Guess it was meant to be  
Romance is misery  
So much for memories  
And now I am headed to the penitentiary  
See me on TV  
The next cop series  
I am a danger  
I guess I should've did something about my anger  
But I never learn  
Real things I don't concern  
I pour kerosene on everything I love  
And watch it burn  
I know it's my fault  
But I wasn't happy it was over  
She threw a fit  
So I crashed that piece of shit

And now I am going back again  
Back to the pen to see my friends  
When we all pile off that county van  
they'll ask me where I've been

I've been at a bar on the inside  
Waitin' for my ride on the outside  
She stole my heart, in the trailer park  
So I jacked the keys to her fkin' car  
I Crashed that piece of shit then stepped away 

The song was finished when we got back to the house and Alice ran out the door and tackled Eddie. We both dragged him into the house.

"EMMETT!! ALICE!! WHAT THE HELL!!" Eddie was screaming.

"Makeover time!!" ALICE squealed.

"Hey BELLA!! Get my kitty!!" I shouted.

Bella grabbed my cat and some of her things while Jasper grabbed the rest of the stuff. We had dragged Edward into the house and he was squirming trying to escape our grips.

"Okay Emmie lets take him upstairs and we can chain him down to my chair and if he moves you can sit on him."

"NOOOO!! Not an Alice makeover!!" Edward yelled.

We strapped him down and Alice started to work on him. She put glittery eye stuff on his face and eye liner. She coated his face in makeup. She put pink stuff on his cheeks and red lipstick. It took like half an hour to make Eddie's face girl like. She then put this stuff in his hair that made it longer and she curled his hair.

Then she set to work on Bella. She curled her hair and put the same makeup on her.

"SHIT! I LOOK LIKE A CHICK!!" Edward screamed when he saw his reflection.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I always wanted a sister!" I laughed.

Alice glared at me. "I meant a tall one!!"

"Aww Edward! You look BEAUTIFUL!!" Bella giggled turning pink.

"Edward you are a sexy beast!!" Alice growled.

We all were busted up laughing while Edward just sat there pouting like a 8 year old. Alice went to her closet to get some clothes and shoes to stuff Bella and Edward into.

"You guys will so pay!!" Edward growled.

"Aww what is little Edwina going to do??" I asked.

"OH you'll find out soon enough"

Alice came back into the room carrying to skirts and corset top thingy's.

"AWW HELL NO!!" Edward yelled.

That was it! Everyone started to laugh their asses off I swear the whole house was shaking. Bella was turning purple and was in hysterics. I motioned for Bella to come over when she calmed down a bit.

"Bella 'convince' Edward to wear it and tell him you want to go to a club! Please this is the only fun thing to do today! PLEASE!" I whispered into her ear.

"Fine Emmett but you owe me big time."

She walked over to Edward and sat on his lap facing him. She looked into his eyes and gave him a big heartbreaking puppydog face.

"Come on Edward...If you loved me you would wear it! Please." She begged.

It just took a couple kisses for him to give in. Man that dude was whipped big time.

By the time Alice was ready it was 5:30. We decided to go to a club in Seattle. We decided to take Eddie's Vanquish (which by the way is a really sexy car) so that we looked classy when we pulled up.

"Okay the club we are going to is called War Room its really nice and extremely hard to get into but we should have no problem." Alice said as we pulled up.

" Urgg..." Edward said.

_Edward you have to act like a girl...talk, walk and flirt. But I guess if want to dance with Bella people will think you are a lesbian. _

"You've got to be kidding me..."

"NO I AM NOT EDDIE!"I shouted

Bella and Alice looked at me funny but I just shrugged as we stepped out of the car. The girls and Eddie got cat-calls and wolf whistles and Eddie quickly grabbed Bella's hand. I followed them as they went up to the bouncer and talked to him and he let us in. As we walked in I was shocked...the place looked tight. It was all red and black and was cool. My pants were a little to tight around my boxer's so I yanked them...eww I hate leather pants. Girls kept staring at me and to be honest it was kind of creepy. I went up to some random chick and asked her is she wanted to dance and she nodded looking as if this was the best moment of her life.

"Hi my name is Strawberry...What's yours?" The chick asked me.

"Emmett" I grumbled.

"Oh thats a nice name...so do you want to hook up..." she asked.

"Umm no thanks. I am fine...actually my cat just died... I am so sorry I have to go..." I stuttered as a looked in horror towards Edwina (Edward). He did NOT just do that.

I looked at my watch 9:30

**A.N. **

**Sorry bout the cliffy but I have always wanted to do that. Sorry I haven' t updated in ages my commitments have cleared up quite a bit and I have a lot more free time now. **

**OMG I started to read Breaking Dawn and I was SOOOOO pissed off. I hated it it was horrible I got to page 423 and I stopped reading it. My friend was dissapointed as well. I have yet to finish reading it. I would love feedback on your views of Breaking Dawn so leave me a Review!!**

**NO REVIEWS NO CHAPTER!!**

**PLEASE NO FLAMES I CAN'T STAND THEM AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO STOP WRITING... **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer: Although Edward may seem like a freakaziod in this chapter doesn't mean he doesn't belong to Stephenie Meyer...although maybe he does...**

"_Umm no thanks. I am fine...actually my cat just died... I am so sorry I have to go..." I stuttered as a looked in horror towards Edwina (Edward). He was NOT going to do that. _

_I looked at my watch 9:30_

I saw a karaoke machine and on the bar was Edwina. Clutching the microphone searching for a song. I pulled out my phone and was prepared to start filming when he started to sing. I looked for Bella and grabbed her giving her a good view of what was going to happen. Then the next thing I knew Edward was standing up straight on the bar and dancing waiting for the words to start coming up for the song he was singing. He was pop lock n' dropping it and if I didn' t know he was a guy my pants would have gotten even tighter than they already were.

_**I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright  
Gonna let it all hang out  
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice  
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout  
No inhibitions-make no conditions  
Get a little outta line  
I ain't gonna act politically correct  
I only wanna have a good time**  
_

While he was singing he was dancing around the bar and completely acting like a girl. No one would have been able to tell he was a guy. I heard guys screaming and whooping and hollering like complete idiots.

_  
**The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)**  
**Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!**_

**The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take  
The chance to get out on the town  
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance  
We're gonna let our hair hang down**

**The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)**

**Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
****Men's shirts-short skirts**  
**Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!**

When the song ended he posed very sexily. And then quickly jumped off the bar and was soon getting his ass grabbed and I had to pull him towards me so he would deck someone because only god knows what would happen if he hit someone.

"Edwina what the hell was that?" I asked.

"You told me to act like a girl so I did. In my own special way." He replied frankly.

"Well lucky for you I recorded it on my phone so it will be on youtube before you know it and it will be emailed to every student in our class telling them it was you!!" I replied.

"You wouldn't!!" He accused.

"Oh hell I would!"

"Hey Edwina!!" Bella shouted as she ran up behind him.

"Hey love. What's up?" he asked.

She pulled his face down and kissed him passionately and in front of the entire club. If only I could here what they were thinking.

9:40 pm only 17 hours and 20 minutes till I can get my Rosie!!

**A.N. **

**Hope you liked this chapter...I decided that I was going to do short frequent chapters instead of long ones. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!! I will not update until I get at least 15 reviews. I know that is a reasonable number because honestly I have tons of readers!**

**No Flames please. If you have a problem with my story pm me about it don' t leave a review about it. **

**Please Check out my other stories!! I will love you forever!**

**Love**

**Savanna a.k.a Messenger Girl**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot line...if I did I would be partying with Emmett. -wink wink- -nudge nudge-**

**Time 9:41 EPOV**

Oh god! This has to be the hottest kiss I have EVER had in my life...

_Geez that's SEXAH!!_

_Omg!! _

_Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?_

Well this is very embarrassing. I pulled out of the kiss.

"Wow Bella! That was hot!" I whispered.

She nodded and swayed on the spot and the next thing I knew she was plummeting towards the ground. I quickly caught her.

"Bella are you okay??"

"YOU MADE ME FAINT!" She exclaimed. Still in my arms.

We were standing in the middle of the dance floor. Emmett was staring incredulously standing next to me. Alice was sitting on the bar flirting aimlessly with the bartender...man that guy was in a trance. Everyone continued to stare at us and I swear if I were human I would be turning a bright red by now.

"Emmett lets get outta here..."

"Oookay Edwina." he said. Ducking away from me.

**EmPOV**

Wow that was hilarious! I walked over to the bar and grabbed Alice by the waist and threw her over my shoulder caveman style.

"EMMETT PUT ME DOWN!!" she squealed.

"NO!! We are leaving."

"So what are we going to do next?"

"Well I want to play with my kitty. And then harass Newton."

By the time we were out the door. Edward and Bella were in the car waiting for us. I threw Alice in the back and plopped down myself. Edward turned the car on and pulled off of the curb blasting music. I started to sing along with the song which I have to admit it is EXTREMELY awesome. Bella once told me it was about tampons...which I found out later were for...well...Human lady times...don't ask. I did not get how this song had ANYTHING to do with those thingamabobs.

By the time I stopped thinking about the supposed "tampon" song we were home. I flung the car door open and ran into the house. I sped up the steps into the house following the heartbeat of my kitty. I rushed up the stairs in the house and walked silently down the hallway and turned left into my room. I searched the room and discovered my kitty under a pile of clothes in the closet. I gently picked it up. And walked back down the stairs. I walked into the living room and sat on the floor.

"Ya know kitty I haven't named you yet...wait I don't even know if you are a he-kitty or a she-kitty. EDDIE!! How do you tell if a cat is a he-kitty or she-kitty??" I yelled up the stairs.

"HOLD ON! I am trying to get this crap off of my face." he yelled at me then he started to mumble to himself, "don't know how they were it...itchy...gross.."

I walked back into the living room and plopped down on the floor. The whole house shaking from my weight. Edward walked down the stairs and picked up my cat.

"EDDIE! Don't eat my kitty! He isn't one of your little snack packs that you have hidden in your closet...and YES! I know about those...bad boy!!" I waggled my finger at him. He scowled at me and picked up my kitty.

He turned the cat around and looked at its butt.

"Why are you looking at my cat's but you PERVERT!" I exclaimed.

"Because EMMETT that is where all his private parts are...and it is a he-kitty as you called it."

Edward put down my kitty and walked back up the stairs. I just looked at my cat and tried to think of a name.

"Okay what about Walter, or Tigger, hmm what about Munster, Gorilla, Rhino, Dracula, umm Kitty...ACKK I dunno what to call you!?" I shouted.

I saw the time on the digital clock on the table...

10:05 pm...

**A.N.**

**OMG I am super sorry...I love you guys still I just have had a lot of work to do.**

**I am going to continue writing this story although my other is on Hiatus write now.**

**I am gonna update as often as I can! PLEASE send me a name for the KITTY!! Either one listed or a random name!**

**The snack pack thing is SOO an inside joke with one of my friends its Hilarious.**

**Love,**

**Savanna**

**P.S. Read ISOLDE SWANN by lucytheslut and my good friend in RL Xo-ILoveEdward-oX. Its a fantabulous story darlin's **

**P.P.S I need a BETA I am looking for one so if you are interested just send me a pm or say it in your review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, Harry Potter to J.K. Rowling, I own nothing but a copy of both books.**

**10:06**

As I was pondering about the name of my kitty I thought of the best idea EVER! I could bite the kitty and turn him into a vampire! How cool is that?

"Don't do that Emmett!" Edward yelled down the stairs.

"Stop doing that!" I yelled.

"Only when you stop being an idiot." He said.

"You are such a asshole!!" I screamed.

Urrg...stupid nerd I can't believe he is such a snoop. Invading my personal thoughts and telling me what to do...Who does he think he is my mom? No thats Esme's job. Though Edward does act like a pansy a lot.

"You know what kitty? I am going to name you Dracula. You shall be an evil VampCat." I said.

Dracula just meowed in response. Okay I can do this! Not a snack pack. Not a snack pack. Not a snack pack. Not a snack pack. Not a snack pack. I chanted in my head as I bit into the succulent flesh on the neck of the cat. I pulled away quickly knowing that enough venom had entered the now writhing form of my kitty Dracula. I ran him up to my room and gently placed him in a box. He was screaming like only a cat could. The screams ripped my heart in two pieces and I ran away hoping to evade the sounds of his loud shrieking.

I pushed the thought of the convulsing animal out of my head as I went outside and hopped into my jeep. I quickly pulled out of the garage and sped down the street and made my way to the local Walmart. I had a bone to pick with him...he was looking at my Rosie all lusty and stuff. Only I can do that!

I pulled into the parking lot and parked the car hopping out. I walked into the store and picked up some forks, silly string, spray paint, keys, black clothes, ski masks and paintball guns. I payed for my purchases and walked out and hopped back into my jeep and drove back home to assemble my troops. I know Alice wants to have some fun with Newton. Edward should want to get revenge for hitting on Bella. Well, Bella is a given. We need Jasper to man the getaway vehicle. I laughed maniacally this is gonna be the best revenge EVER!

**11:10**

**A.N.**

**I wrote this chapter when I was sick so if it sounds like a crazy person then you know why. I am going to make time to write more chapters and I hope to finish this story by the end of the month. **

**Tell me about your favorite line or something you want to see in the next few chapters or what revenge you want to put on Newton. I need a**** beta so if you want to help me send me a pm. **

** cat97- the song is called Bleed it Out by Linkin Park**

**Love, **

**Savanna**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer: Although I would love to own Emmett he is not my character. If he was he would have a larger part in the story. **

**11:15**

I drove my Jeep up the long driveway that led to our "house". When I parked the car I walked up the front steps and into the house. I called the "kids" downstairs to discuss the plans for the pranking of a certain Mr. Newton. This had to be the best prank we'd pulled so far. In ' 87 we got Thorpe' s car and in '56 we got the whole cheer leading squad. But, I am willing to bet that this is going to be the best so far. Plus, we have my favorite little human participating in tonights activities.

We collaborated in the living room about our pranks and then dispersed to change into our gear. The crew consisted of Bella, Edward, Alice, and Jasper. Rosalie my lovely sexy wife was no where to be found. She had been missing all day. I went up to our room and searched through my closet. I successfully found and pulled on my black skinny jeans and black t-shirt. It stretched over my muscles. I put on black shoes and a bandanna. I went to Rose's makeup table and grabbed a stick with black goo on it and drew rectangles under my eyes. I was ready, and if I do say so myself I look rather spiffy.

"NO YOU DON'T! "

"Shuttup pookie!!!" I snickered.

"DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY PET NAME MY BELLA BELLA GAVE ME THAT NAME!"

I walked downstairs and gathered the crew and we hopped into our prank car. It was a Ford passenger van. Black and had a big trunk perfect for pranking. I let Edward drive so that I could inform Bella of her special task... this was going to be the bestest prank in the Olympic peninsula well at least for the Cullen clan + 1. ( The +1 is Bella)

We pulled up 3 houses away and stopped. I got out of the car and went to the trunk to pull out the supplies. We had forks, silly string, spray paint, keys and paintball guns. I loaded up the guns with red paintballs. I was groping around the trunk when I found a butcher knife, a fake hand that looks very realistic and police tape. PERFECT!

This has to be the best prank EVER!

**11:30**

**A.N. Sorry Guys. I want to finish this story up its taking FOREVER!! I can never get any ideas and when I do I have no time to get them down. Then well....I have a very busy schedule to say the least. **

**PLEASE Review. It makes me all warm and fuzzy. New chapters will be posted this week. And BTW the DVD of Twilight is coming out on the 21st of March YAY!!!**

**Comment on the movie!!**

**Love, **

**Savanna **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: Emmett Cullen is a smexy fool...but to my dismay is not mine. **

**11:31**

Everyone started walking silently towards the Newton house. I distributed the equipment. I gave Bella forks, Edward silly string, Jasper spray paint and keys, and Alice and me set out with the paintball guns and the butcher knife and the fake hand and police tape.

When we got in the yard Bella immediately stated spelling out "Stupid Newton" in forks on Mike's lawn. Edward started squirting silly string everywhere while Jasper went to work writing inappropriate words on the Newtons cars and keying them. Alice and me set to work on the best part of the plan.

I put the fake hand on the front steps and laid the butcher knife down on the concrete next to it. I then had Alice set up the police tape around the house. After the police tape was wrapped around the house I got out the big guns...literally! I had put silencers on the paintball guns earlier and there were red paintballs in it. So we started splattering the house with the "blood". When we were finished everyone else was just about finished so we waited and then silently walked back to the car and were happily smiling and squealing at our success.

"Do you guys think we should get Newton even more?" asked Bella.

"And how do you presume we do that?" asked Alice.

"Oh well I was just thinking we could put a little peeping tom in the mix. What if Mike was discovered in one of the wonderful Forks ladies bedrooms?" Bella said.

"Bella this is why you are the best little human ever in existence." I said.

"Well thank you very much my favorite bear!" Bella said and I gave her a humongous hug.

"Okay but which 'lady' if you could call them that." Edward said.

"Well I was thinking Lauren. If you pick Jessica she wouldn't get upset. And I have a bone to pick with Lauren." Bella said.

"So do I…" muttered Edward. Aww Eddie… did Lauren think bad things about your little Bella?

He growled at me, but nodded all the same. Wait… how would we get Lauren out of the house? "How are we going to get Lauren out of the house?" I voiced.

"Well I was thinking…" Bella blushed and we all looked at her quizzically. "Edward…"

"What do you need me to— Oh." Alice giggled, damn vision having pixie. Edward hugged Bella.

"To get back at Newton, and now Lauren… why not?" He paused. "But Bella, I hope you know I'll be thinking about you the whole time."

Bella blushed, and I rolled my eyes. _Little Eddie… does she really take that sappy stuff in like that?_ He looked like he was about to pounce on me. As if he could take me… _I dare you Eddie, just try it, and Bella will have every organ you possess in a separate little box. _

He hugged Bella protectively and got out his phone to call Lauren. I heard the entire conversation thanks to my super hearing. "Hello?"

"Hi Lauren, it's Edward Cullen. I was wondering… would you like to go out tonight?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Midnight movie?" Little Eddie-kins was absolutely scowling, but you couldn't tell it in his voice.

"Pick me up at one?"

"Ok, see you then." He hung up the phone.

"So… any way we hava a half an hour to wait… Bella, wanna go shopping?" Her eyes widened.

"No."

"Please Bella?" Alice.

"No."

Alice pouted. "Please please please please please please, PLEASE!"

"No."

"Please Bella, for me?" Alice said she looked like a little lost puppy, ahh...how cute.

Edward snickered. "Suck it, shrinkwrap!" I said.

Edwards face was caught in a look of astonishment.

"Dammit." Bella muttered. "Fine."

"Love, you don't have to if you don't want to." Edward said. Damn him. He smirked.

"It's ok Edward, I'll go, maybe I'll even model for you." He practically ran to the Volvo. _Crazy sexually repressed vampire._

"I'm not the one who isn't allowed to touch their woman!" He yelled. Damn him… again.

12:37

**A.N. **

**Hey alls!! I know you've been waiting for this! I got it done with a little help from my close personal friend Stephanie! You know her if you have read _Isolde Swann_ or _Hey, Wanna Cyber? _Or her most recent story Unintended. Her name is Xo-ILoveEdward-oX. So check her out if you liked the chappie!**

**So put that in your juice box and suck it,**

**Savanna**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer: My Name is Savanna. I'm a twilight-alcoholic. But I don' t own these characters!**

**12:37**

With the time I had left before going to prank our most loved Forks citizens I decided to check on my kitty, Dracula. I assume that since he is such a small thing that it wont take as long to transform. I walked into my room and pulled open the closet and instantly a small furry creature launched itself onto my face.

I was pulling at the cat tripping over the stray things in my room. Finally I crashed into the bed and was knocked backwards. I pulled the creature off my face and it turned out to be Dracula. He looked really super cute and was super strong and flexible. His eyes were blood red. I stuck him back in the closet and I went to the refrigerator I had in my room under my desk and pulled out of container of mouse blood. I put in into a bowl and went downstairs to put in in the microwave and warm it up for Dracula. As I waited I pulled out my phone and sent Edward a text.

_How's the shopping going buddy??_

_**Well I haven't seen Bella yet but hopefully I will. **_

_So when are you going to get sexy for your date with Lauren._

_**I don't plan on it. It was a joke Emmie-Bear I was planning on standing her up.**_

_OH NOES! Eddie-Puss you can't do that. It will soil your reputation for ever!_

_**Who cares. **_

_I do! I don't want to be seen with the women ditcher. But then again Lauren might just pretend that you guys had an awesome time and cry herself to sleep. -sigh-_

_**Like I care and by the way Alice said to get the blood out of the microwave its going to get cold.**_

_Well soorray Mrs. Psychic. _

I shut my phone and pulled the microwave door open and headed back upstairs to feed Dracula. When I opened the closet door Dracula lunged for the bowl of blood and slurped it all up. Well thats a first, a vegetarian vampire cat. I laughed heartily as I went to go call a Ms. Lauren Mallory. I typed in the number and did my best impression of Mike.

"Hey Lauren, girl.. why dontcha come round my place and we can slam back a couple of beers and maybe bump uglies and what not."

"Maybe I'll come around after my date with EDWARD CULLEN! Yeah! You heard me the one and only...tell ALL your friends."

"Awesome...I'll be waiting for you and your Barbie-like self." With big plastic boobs to match. HAHA this is going to be awesome.

"Bye!"

I slapped my phone shut and went to go get Dracula. I found him lying on the couch in the living room he was clawing it up.

"OHH SHIT!"

I pulled him off the couch. I ran to Carlisle's study and pulled open the door praying to the vampire gods that there wasn't something going on in there that I definitely did not want to see. Luckily when I burst in Esme and Carlisle were talking. I banged Dracula on to the table and pulled out one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"We have a demon kitty in our mist and you need to fix him Carlisle." I said.

"What did you do? Oh crap. What did I tell you about experimenting with animals!" Carlisle said.

"Well sorry I just wanted to see what would happen, That's all. Honestly." I sighed.

"Okay, But honestly will you ever learn for god sakes Emmett you are 104 years old. You act like such a child, constantly. But I will fix your problem. After the tiger situation in 69' you thing you would have learned your lesson but alas, you still act like the Neanderthal that everyone knows you are. You should prove yourself otherwise. Hope you didn't get too attached to this cat." Carlisle ranted at me.

I screamed in terror as he pinned Dracula down on the table and pulled each of his limbs off and threw them into the fire. I was dry-sobbing as Esme came over and cradled me in her arms and comforted me. She was so nice to me...she reminded me of my mom back in Tennessee. Except less active with the rolling pin and more nice and not all screamy.

R.I.P Dracula.

I will never forget you.

**1:05**

**A.N.**

**Sorry for not posting in so long. I got out of school recently. I was taking classes from 7 am to 4:30. And I had no time to think let alone write. **

**Hopefully I can finish this story soon. REVIEW!**

**Love, **

**Savanna**


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